Greg Deichmann is not human. This is a scientific fact that can be proved with video evidence and a simple investigation.

First off, a baseball hit him in the face earlier this month, and he's already back playing baseball and sending balls to other planets. How does a normal human suffer multiple facial fractures and recover in such a short period of time? Answer: Greg Deichmann isn't human.

If that's not proof enough, observe his most recent feat of inhuman strength. In a game against Hofstra, he hit a ball harder than any man should be capable of.

The ball went over the fence, then over the bleachers and over the massive billboard behind the bleachers...again, not human.

Hitting a ball almost 500 feet with a collegiate bat? Absurd. 108 mph off the bat? Not a human...

Even Deichmann's teammate, Kramer Robertson, couldn't believe his eyes. He has eight home runs over his last 15 games, but none of his teammates ever saw something like that before.

Everyone on the team was impressed, except for Cole Freeman. He better be careful though, lest he call down the wrath of Deichmann upon himself.

In summary, the conclusion of this investigation is simple: Greg Deichmann is not a human. Is he an alien? Possibly a robot? More tests will be required on this specimen.

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